everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
