I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
