Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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