Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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