I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
