It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
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