I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i think my cat just said my name.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
