Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
