We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
