EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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