well you can't waste a boner
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
