his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
