i was born a porn star she said
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
