filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
