I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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