i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
