You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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