I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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