I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
