I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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