last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I want her autograph on my taint
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
