i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
