Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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