You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
