So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
