Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We don't watch enough power rangers
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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