phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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