i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
