i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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