If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
