Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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