Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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