Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize