also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
