don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
