me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize