you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
