This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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