I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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