Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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