and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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