it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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