not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
