She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
