if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
