She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
