tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
