I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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