I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
