He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
