I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The best revenge is premature balding
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
