There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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