We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
