stop calling my apartment porn island.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
