you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
