thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
