Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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