Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
