Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize