Me too!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
