he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize