When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
