if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
