I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
