You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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