Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
