at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
