the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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