I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
