I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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