you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
