I bet he comes in French.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
